Thursday, October 20, 2011

The Take-No-Prisoners-Yes-Even-the-Younglings Juggernaught of Pakistani Industry

  • This is something that has bothered me for years: why in the hell is every goddamn soccer ball in the world from Pakistan?
    • How could this have come to be and why has it stayed this way?
    • I would have thought that at least India would maintain some kind of soccer ball production base to ensure their internal supply of soccer balls could be maintained if they're already volatile relationship with their neighbor worsened and the Pakis began a full scale soccer ball embargo.
  • Having written all that down I feel almost certain I've started down the road to being the next Tom Clancy, I'll bet he saw something like this and that was where the idea for Hunt for the Red October or Clear and Present Danger came from. I can see it now: new best seller Rogue Cell: The Football Agenda
  • I hope saying Pakis doesn't get me put on some sort of list or go all Salman Rushdie on me.
    • Now that I think about it though if no one had ever seen or heard of the Satanic Verses it probably wouldn't have caused such a stink so I think I'll be fine unless those few noble russians I spoke of the other day or, god forbid, Sally the Imaginary Hypothetical Blog Reader, put out some kind of fwata alert on me.
  • Man us atheists miss out on all the cool vocab religions get; Islam has Fwata's and Jihads, and even the catholics get stuff like transubstantiation and excommunication (which sounds like a big ass sci-fi space gun or something; seriously if Moff Tarkin had said, "Transubstantiate the Excommunicator!" instead of lame old, "You may begin the demonstration." Leia probably woulda talked; that shit sounds scary.
    • We do get Apostate though which sounds kind of badass. (Note to other atheists: the word apostate is like tyrannosaur urine to a Christian, one whiff of it and even Mormon missionaries will shy away from your territory.
      • Catholic: "My title is lay person."
      • Me: "Nice to meet you, my title is apostate *boom crakooom crash!*"
      • Catholic: "My god! So... many... syllables and hard... consonants..."
      • Second Catholic: "I think I just shat myself."

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